How to catch an Englishman

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My seasonal moving from Eastern Europe to Merry England (or Cloudy England, for those who seek a sense of reality) made me come to one conclusion: everyone wants to be English. As I am writing this post, old-fashionably, on square paper (while the people in the plane are talking about cars, the Queen and everything in between), I realise that I have a darn easy way to make everyone's dream come true (time travelling excluded). The answer is cute, fluffy and ready to get you (or, to keep it real, it likes more the catch-me-if-you-can game). It makes you socially unattractive, it's got a craving for cups of tea and a good capability of keeping you under the weather (no, not sun, the other type of weather).

One Paracetamol for all of you who thought of a little fellow called the common cold virus. It's been bugging me for the past week, and oh it will so bug you. One droplet containing the virus can make you behave like an Englishman in no time! These folks climb up to the back of your throat, sticking to the receptors of some nose cells. The adenoid cells (a gland at the back at your nose) have loads of receptors for this virus, the latter being dragged into the cells, where its particles are being made. In the end, the infected cell give up, releasing its contents  and thus infecting other adenoid cells around. In 8 to 12 hours, you'll begin to feel slightly English, but in 36-72 hours you'll be more than considering yourself one. You'll ask for tea, tea, tea and you''ll be rather hot (despite the fact of having a cold). Many will run from you and many will start questioning your distinctly frosty behaviour. But, don't worry, in 7 to 10 days, you'll be back to normal (no citizenship obtained). Funny visit, isn't it?

How to catch an Englishman